Of all the problems in separation and divorce sorting out what to do with the matrimonial home causes the most anxiety. One distraught husband recently said - "That cottage may be her pride and joy, but I'd rather go to jail than see her get it." Hollywood has even produced a film on the topic - The War of the Roses - starring Danny Devito as the husband's divorce lawyer. At one point he advises his client - "Oliver, you can't win this dispute. There are only degrees of losing."

There are common scenarios to look at;

Firstly, there is the situation of a couple with young children. The couple are not getting on. They plan to separate and one wants to retain the house, but it seems unaffordable - to pay the mortgage and other bills on one salary. Often the mortgage lenders will not accept just one of the couple having the house as it is not financially viable. The wife may have to go back to work, but there will be child care costs. The husband wants his share of equity out of the house - he has to buy or rent elsewhere. Practical financial planning is needed. Perhaps selling up will be the only option and then using savings or cashing in policies ( see financial solutions) to cover the transition period costs - either moving to rented property or buying a cheaper house. The house cannot be looked at alone - it is part of the whole assets and liabilities to be assessed and fairly divided.

Secondly, there is the couple who live in a fine house, the children having flown the nest. It was purchased many years ago and both of them are fond of it. When it comes to separation neither of them want to give it up and no compromise can be reached (such as one of them making the other an extra pay off now or at a later date). Well, again it has to come down to finance. A fair division of all assets may mean that it can be transferred to the other, say to offset pension values. Otherwise, the house will have to go on the market and be sold.

Watch out for one spouse trying to sell the house without the other spouse knowing. Court orders can be sought to transfer property across, but that will only happen if the financial position merits it. The spouse who is looking after the children can try to seek a capital split more favourable than 50-50 to cover the cost of housing children